My friend Armijn pointed me to a thing called Orange Office (no link). I get a Dutch site, which is full of d/t errors (a fundament of Dutch grammar) which tries to sell me .. It comes down to a long spiel about Microsoft Office compatibility and how OOo works exactly the same as Microsoft Office and yet it's so cheap! Buy now! Word! Powerpoint! Operators are standing by! Yes, they're charging 15 EUR for an download. Going through the terms and conditions is hilarious (well, ok, I should take my medicines now) for disclaiming responsibility, disallowing resale (hello, LGPL!), disclaiming the applicability of refund law which applies to tele-sales. You know the drill. It gets better as the "buy now" page has a "limited quantity offer!" for Calc and Draw as well. The payment processing, somewhat to my surprise, seems to be legitimate -- it's still a heck of a way to rake in 15 bucks for an otherwise gratis download of 3.1.